When you know it is the last time

This summer I took a trip to Germany to visit people I have known for the past 40 years but had not seen in 10 years. I did so because of a letter they sent at Christmas, mentioning that due to their age, we would probably not meet again but that our friendship would always remain dear to their hearts. The thing is, I am not old, and I am lucky enough to be able to travel, so I had to go and see them. One last time.

Imagine if someone told you:

"This is the last time you'll hug your best friend."

"This is the last family dinner you'll all share."

"This is the last time you'll watch your child fall asleep in your arms."

Would you want to know?

Spending the week with them was amazing. I enjoyed our conversations more than ever before; looking at old photos was not boring anymore, the view from their balcony, which I always loved but also took for granted, seemed even more magical than in my memory…

Then came the goodbyes. I was grateful to have a chaotic trip to look forward to and two kids to drag along, so I did not have the leisure of lingering too much on what I knew: this is the last time we say goodbye.

This really got me into thinking. I felt lucky to get the warning that there was still time, but maybe not that much. I still feel lucky that I got to see them. Most of the time we don’t.

Most of us have experienced "lasts" without realizing they were happening. The last time we played with a childhood friend. The last walk with a beloved pet. The last phone call with a grandparent. The last holiday before life changed.

Only afterwards do we understand these moments and their significance.

Knowing helped me to slow down, to enjoy more, to say things more openly and without self-consciousness. I kept asking myself: what do I really want to do or say before I leave them to go home? How will I feel if I don’t say this? What do I need them to know?

What if I had not known? Maybe things would have felt lighter. I would have reflected less and taken more for granted. I would not have gotten up early to share breakfast with them. I would not have come up just to chat in the evening. Would I have regretted all that was left unsaid? Would I have wished for one last time?

Why do we need to know it is the last time before we truly appreciate something or someone?

This has changed something in me, and there are things it has prompted me to do:

I want to be more present; I want to remind myself that everything is temporary, so let me enjoy what is happening today. I won’t always get a chance to know beforehand that this might be the last time, so I want to treat all the important times with as much care as I would if I did know.

I am also realistic, and I know that some days are hectic and that we cannot always be focused on what really matters. Because life rarely slows down. We're rushing to get to work, dinner is burning on the stove, our phone won't stop buzzing, the dog needs to go outside, a child is asking for help with homework, and we suddenly remember the bill we forgot to pay… all at the same time.

So, I will give myself some leeway. And if there are some last times that I miss, I will just remind myself of all the good times that came before that last one. 

What about you? Would you rather know or not? What would you change if you started to be more conscious that each time may be the last time?

Gaelle Chatenet, August 2026