Ending the scarcity mindset: What if you already had all that you need?

After her breakup, my 40-year-old patient very seriously informed me that she would “never find anyone again.” Her voice was heavy with certainty, her mind already made up. She believed, without question, that love was no longer an option for her. I suppressed the urge to ask her if clairvoyance was something running in her family and looked at her.

What struck me wasn’t just her words, it was who was saying them. She’s among

 the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful women I’ve ever met. We live in Tokyo, a city of millions. Yet, she genuinely thought her chance at love was gone forever.

Whatever you choose to see, your brain will prove you right.

Her belief is a perfect example of the scarcity mindset, which focuses on what’s lacking and assumes opportunities are limited. It is most common after life-shaking events like a breakup or job loss. But for some people it is also a default way of thinking.

What is the Scarcity Mindset?

The scarcity mindset stems from two psychological patterns:

Negativity bias: Our brains naturally focus on negative experiences more than positive ones. After a breakup, a job loss or a deeply negative experience the pain and loss overshadow hope for the future. This bias comes from our ancestral past where anticipating danger was a question of survival. It is not as useful now and very often even counterproductive.

All-or-nothing thinking: We assume that because something ended, it will never exist again, in any form. People with a scarcity mindset typically make radical statements such as “ I will NEVER find

 a better job”, “NOONE will ever want to hire me”, “I am ALWAYS the one who gets unlucky”, “ALL the good ones are already taken”. Whenever such words come up as: never, always, nothing, everyone, no one, etc…. I know I am talking to someone who is (Unconsciously) broadly generalizing and this is what we are going to have to work on first! “NEVER”? Really??? Can you think of ONE time? Maybe two???

Scarcity Mindset leads to:

A fixation on what’s missing, making it hard to see possibilities. Remember your brain wants to prove you right in everything you believe. If you tell it there is NOTHING good for you, it will thrive to prove to you that you are right…

Fear of competition, creating jealousy or resentment. Because people with a scarcity mindset assume they are going to lose, they fear competition and see danger everywhere.

Feelings of low self-worth, as if you’re undeserving of happiness or success. When you believe that love, success and happiness are limited resources, you tend to wonder if you are deserving of what you have and feel guilty about it, thinking you are undeservingly taking someone else's share.

Scarcity doesn’t just apply to love; it shows up in careers, finances, and friendships. For example, job seekers often feel intense stress about not finding work, convinced that opportunities are drying up—even when that’s not true.

Breaking Free with an Abundance Mindset

The abundance mindset is the antidote to scarcity. It’s the understanding that there’s more than enough love, success, and happiness to go around, and that you have the ability to create or attract it.

Here’s what defines an abundance mindset:

Optimism: Believing life is full of opportunities and that setbacks are temporary. If some setback happens that you can do nothing about, LET IT GO! Yes, it hurts, yes, it is annoying, and yes you would rather it had not happened, but it is too late! Free your mind space from this negativity, accept what you cannot change, and see how you could make it better!

Gratitude: Appreciating what you have, instead of dwelling on what’s missing. Again, if you believe you have a lot, your brain will be very happy to show you just how much you do have!

Generosity: Sharing your time, resources, and success without fear of running out. It is very often the opposite that happens. When you open up and share yourself, you often end up receiving even more.

Collaboration: Seeing others’ achievements as inspiring, not threatening. Let people ahead of you lead the way! If they did it, so can you! Instead of seeing others’ successes as a threat to yours, understand that they are showing you the way. If there are people around you looking to reach the same goals, why not join forces and work together?

Self-worth: Trusting that you’re deserving of love, success, and happiness. Are you alive? Then you deserve love, success, and happiness. That is the only requirement. So, stop questioning yourself and get what you want instead of wondering if you deserve it. It is up to you to decide and accept it.

How to Develop an Abundance Mindset

The good news? An abundance mindset isn’t just something you’re born with—it can be cultivated through small, consistent practices:

Gratitude journaling: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. Maybe it won't come easy at first but after a few days, you will struggle to select only three!

Mindfulness: Practice staying present and letting go of fear about the future. All we have is here and now. We choose how we think about the future. It is pretty easy to learn how you create images of your future in your mind and how this influences you. And, it can all be changed to suit you better!

Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with people who inspire and uplift you. Who you spend time with, and what you watch and hear can easily set the tone for how you feel. Unplug from negativity when needed. There are plenty of feel-good podcasts (Ever listened to mine?) around to take your mind of the endless catastrophic news cycle. Choose the relationships that uplift you over the ones that drain you out.

Learn from past successes: Reflect on times when things worked out, even when you doubted they would. Have you ever succeeded at anything? Even really small? I ask this question to patients in sessions, and I have yet to have someone answer “no”! Of course, we have all had successes, big and small. Let’s focus on these and replicate them.

A Shift in Perspective

Returning to my patient, I asked her, “Why don’t you assume you’ll meet someone wonderful in the next six months? Sure, you don’t know that for certain, but you also don’t know the opposite is true. Why not choose the story that feels better?”

She looked at me like I was a little crazy but laughed. Her laughter signaled the start of a shift—not because she suddenly believed Prince Charming was around the corner, but because she entertained the possibility that better days were ahead.

You are in charge of your thoughts

When life knocks us down, our brains instinctively lean toward scarcity. But we have the power to choose another perspective. Shifting to an abundance mindset doesn’t erase pain, but it opens us to hope, growth, and opportunity.

The world is full of love, success, and happiness—enough for everyone, including you. Sometimes, it just takes a small shift in thinking to start seeing it.

Gaelle Chatenet, May 2025